Writer's Block: To auld lang syne

Do you usually call your friends and/or family on New Year's Eve? Do you watch the countdown or ball drop on TV or choose to ignore it? What are your favorite New Year traditions?

The only firm tradition is calling my parents at midnight if I'm not with them...and the other tradition seems to be " not doing the same thing as the New Years Eve the year previously"...if I was in Philly, I'll go to Harrisburg. If I stayed in alone, I'll have friends over. Etc.

This year, I was home with the parents, but my mom is recovering from surgery and was bed-ridden. My best friend from home, JJ, came over. I did a shot of coconut rum, and we drove out to get pizza. While waiting for the pizza, we came upon a fake mustache vending machine (best thing ever!). Brought it home and I ate a couple pieces, JJ had 4 pieces and a ton of cookies. Drank some more alcohol, checked up on my mom, and broke out the Wii!

JJ and I sung Karaoke revolution, then broke out the Wii Sports, followed by guitar hero. We turned on the TV and I ate some more pizza as we watched the ball drop together.

He left, and I'm now unwinding and trying to fall asleep.

I'm going back to Philly for a few days tomorrow. I feel awful for leaving my mom but we're getting on one another's nerves...and mine are reaching their limit. I need to rest and chill for a few days before coming back to this again.

Even when she's working, we have trouble living together. Now she's off 24/7 for weeks and stuck at home recovering. I love her so much but sometimes ya need a break...particularly ON break. Hopefully I'll chill out and get a new batch of patience so when I come home on the 5th of Jan. I can be nice to my mom.

(no subject)

You made me feel safe and happy tonight. I hope you know how special and rare that is to me. I hope you feel the same way.
  • Current Mood
    hopeful hopeful

(no subject)

It was great when it all began
I was a regular Rocky fan
But it was over when I had the plan
To play Magenta on an on agaaaaiiiin!

I'm actually having a good time with the show...problem is, I've done it so many times, I doubt anyone but my parents and Randy are going to see the show...they're sick of it!

(no subject)

This guy i knew, (i call him Gay-Jay) is perfect for the TV show on MTV that I'm a casting recruiter on! It's called Is She Really Going Out With Him, and he's PERFECT for it.

(no subject)

Dino called me this morning to tell me he's divorcing his wife and spent all day with a lawyer yesterday drawing up the papers.
  • Current Mood
    distressed distressed

(no subject)

I was in complete *agony* from 2 ruptured disks in my back, endometriosis, and severe nerve damage.

*every step* I took to see you, every moment I spent in a car to pick you up, to drive you place, every second I walked around showing you around, sat with you, cooked for you, spent ANY time with you since you didnt know anyone and were in a new city- I was in AGONY.

And that was out of the kindness of my heart.

Putting myself through agony to see the both of you was the biggest sacrifice I could give and the biggest kindess I could give. But if what you appreciate as "kindness of the heart" is "using someone's resources and not repaying them", you need to find a charity, not a friend. Because I can't afford to do that for you.

This entry is about the person who:

-Wailed constantly about the death of the oxy-clean guy while my grandmother was dying of cancer and tried to compare it

-Tried to compare his temporary muscle spasms to the pain of 2 ruptured disks and nerve damage

-Got me out of bed to help him with his muscle spasms while I was in agony, then smoked right in front of me without even sharing when he knew I was in agony as I waited with him so I could do him a favor, though I've always given him what I'm smoking.

-Complained he "only had $500 to last 2 weeks" to me when I had $40 to last a month with a $30 copay for a Doctor the next day.

Just in general, has no idea what it's like to really struggle but tries to get attention to himself when other people are in *real pain*.

Okay, honesty, since it's at the point where nothing I say could possibly affect anything else.

I don't like Jesse. I never did like him, but I tried incredibly hard to. Every time i realized how much I didn't like him, I tried to find SOMETHING about him to convince myself that he was an okay person.

but ya know what? i hate him more than I've hated ANYONE. I've hated him since the day I met him. we don't click at all. and have been forcing a friendship for a long time because of his girlfriend, kat.

i liked kat a lot, so i suffered through a 'friendship' with this asshole because of her. but all her decisions goes through jesse, and she cant hang out without him. it's a package deal, and i just couldn't handle the other half of the package anymore.

when i want to be someones friend, i want to be *their* friend. not the friend of the other people they feel i HAVE to be friends with to be their friend. some people just don't click and should not even TRY to be friends, and this whole situation could have been avoided if i wasn't pushed into a situation where i had to be friends with both to be friends with one.

also, i do shit out of the kindness of my heart all the time. but right now, recovering from extremely serious surgery, i can't. i have no job, and barely any money. i cannot "do things from the kindness of my heart" that cost money, aka feed you, spend my gas money on you, smoke you out constantly, etc etc without repayment. I can't drive you around all day and help you out the minute you ask, with no money and no pain medication to go back to.

i know he has never had to work for what he has, and has no idea of how much something little to him is worth to me. and while i'd LOVE to be able to give away all those things to my friends, i CAN"T. i CANNOT throw my money away on them right now because i don't HAVE ENOUGH TO.

so, if it makes me a selfish person to ask for reimbursement when I do things for people that cost me time, money, and cause me physical pain... I'll be selfish. because it's better than being broke and walked on because you feel you are entitled to my money without paying it back.

i drove you many places, cooked for you, smoked you out a LOT, and bought you things before i even started asking for something in return. but you conveniently forgot all that.

you offered me a place to live if i was ever homeless- but when i asked you if you meant it, you didn't.

you offered me something in return for driving to get you when i was in pain, hooking you up, and driving you home. you didn't, and i paid the price for you instead.

you then offered to bring over some medicine to help me... and i even offered to make you a trade that was more than what you had was worth. but it wasn't enough- you wanted many other things from me. so, again... YOU DIDNT.

i drove you to the art store, picked you up in center city, picked you up in the ghetto, drove you to whole foods... i spent tanks of gas on you, and didn't ask for anything in return. that was my way of showing you i cared, by spending the small amount of money i had for gas on *you*

You acted like Mother Theresa, like you gave me money out of your own pocket that you slaved the day at McDonalds for... but, newsflash...

the money was for the person that *rescued the cat*, spent an entire day driving it around, drove it to the vet, paid for vet treatment, paid for medication, paid for food, paid for litter, and threw her back out dragging it all upstairs. It wasn't for the person that spent 5 days opening their closet to the cat.

If hadn't done that, the cat would've been dead. You would have not been able to open your closet to ANYTHING because it would have been gone.

Had I not provided litter, it would have died from a UTI.
Had I not provided medication, it would have died from infection.
Had I not provided shots, it could have died from the bite wound.
Had I not provided a tank of gas, it could have not gotten help.
Had I not provided food, it would have starved.

You then threatened to bail because mommy got mad, and I found a new babysitter. I also decided that I could keep the cat in my closet, worst case, and rid you of your duties entirely because you are a *flake* and untrustworthy.

You put medicine in a cats mouth twice a day that I paid for, housed her with everything i provided for 5 days (while still going about your normal life and going out), didn't even know how to contact the owner (i did it for you, and gave you the number) and you seriously think you deserved the money over the person that actually took the step to save the cats life?

You even went behind my back to do it!

You were too much of a douchebag to even get out of bed to go to the vet. Did you forget?

Anyway, I paid for every single thing and all the transportation, as well as an entire day of time pre-surgery- and these people feel they were entitled to the money given to them (to give to me) to reimburse expenses.

They also conveniently forgot that they went behind my back, after I made the first call, to secure this money.

Satanists are *not* good people. There is a *reason* they have picked a religion that glorifies selfishness, cruelty, and hedonism.

You really didn't do shit. You took a few minutes out of your life for 5 days, even though I offered to take the cat off your hands. "No, no!" you said. "We want it!".

And now, it was the biggest hassle of your life and you deserved $200 for doing it... over the person that actually did the real work.

I asked only for what I did in medical expensives. You gave me the rest. A gift. Not something to pull up to use as ammunition. That's what fuckwads do.

after I spent the money on the cat, offered to take the cat so it wouldn't be a burden, called the woman and found the owner, then provided the info to you-

YOU say YOU deserved that money?

Think again. In fact, I'm pissed enough at this point that I *am* hunting down this woman and making a *recording* of her saying the money was to go to the person that rescued and paid for keeping her cat alive. I'll make sure to tuck the tape in the package with your router when I mail it back. You really deserve to have it thrown into the river, but unlike you, I'm not an ass, so I'll be nice and mail it back.

I am truly afraid that when the day comes that you need to work for a living, you will no longer be able to support yourself or your girlfriend, because all you have has been handed to you.

you constantly bring up your money, your mansion, your tastes for quality- then when a totally broke person brings it up when asking for repayment of money you promised, it's "fucked up". No. It's fucked up to talk about what you said in the FIRST PLACE to someone who is struggling financially. It's so immature, and so inconsiderate I couldn't even believe you did it.

You are *not* a good person. You are not compassionate, understanding, or kind.

I hope, one day, Kat will open her eyes and at least make some decisions for herself, instead of letting Jesse tell her what to think about everything and completely controlling her. I feel like because he controls you financially, he controls everything about you and it's *sick*.

I hope, Kat, that you get help and understand that your boyfriend may be nice to you, but he is not the person you think he is in general. Please, see a therapist and tell them about his behaviors (selfish ones to you, and others). I don't think he treats you the way you deserve, and I hope to God you realize your worth and find a person that deserves how awesome you are.

I'll look you up in a couple years- maybe by then your circumstances will have changed and you will be able to understand everything I've said. I have a feeling that once you find your personal strength and believe you can stand on your own two feet, you will find your own voice- not just a parrot of your boyfriend's.

I really can't wait for Jesse to hear the response of the woman when I send him the tape. There is no better proof that you are a complete dumbass and completely *wrong*.

Prepare to be Pwn3d.

Boo fucking hoo.

If one more of my friends complains to me about their life when nothing is wrong with them OR their life, I swear I'm going to break their back myself so they can see what it's like to REALLY have a problem.